Jaluch Limited

When it comes to jargon and business lingo I have to admit I am as guilty as any business leader across the UK, so today I wanted to highlight/own up to some really rubbish things I have recently said or that I have recently heard other leaders saying…

1. I think we should have a brain dump… has no one ever told leaders who use this phrase that the word ‘dump’ has other connotations? Not a good expression to use and just doesn’t sound very professional and thankfully not one I think I am guilty of using.

2. What we need is a holistic cradle to grave approach… just watch your employees eyes glaze over… and what you really want to say is: We are currently in a hole. We need to dig ourselves out. Hopefully the solution we come up with will be better than the solution that dropped us in this gigantic hole in the first place.

3. Pre-prepare… this seems to be an expression that has only recently come about. But it does seem to irritate those who hear it on the basis that you can’t really prepare something twice – either you prepare or you don’t prepare, but who on earth prepares to prepare?? What a load of nonsense.

4. Definitely guilty of this one, I’ll hold my hands up… Get this done by close of play today… but since when was work like play? But when you say it, it s one of those expressions that makes you feel like a bona fide wheeler and dealer.

5. What happened last year is ‘past history’… of course its past history – duh (as my kids would say) that’s history! Only real ‘drongo’ leaders will embarrass themselves in public by using an expression like this.

And having got those idiotic expressions off my chest, I wanted to own up to something else that leaders the world over are guilty of… and that’s our use of the word ‘urgent’. Here are some definitions:

• Its urgent because I’m off out to lunch and want to see it before I go
• Its urgent because I want you to do this for me before you do that for him (and do I have to spell out for you who is more important here?)
• Its urgent because I’m more important than you and therefore I want it now
• Its urgent because at some point tomorrow someone may ask for it
• Its urgent because its on my list and therefore I want you to see it as important
• Its urgent because if I don’t ask you to do it now I may forget to ask you later and then it really will become urgent
• Its urgent because everything I give you is always urgent – that should go without saying…

Care to add any others?

And finally, I did like this quote that someone sent through to me which seems to fit well with so many of us that are innovating and changing in order to ‘beat’ the recession…

“The cornerstone of all failures is our inability to figure out what the problem is that really needs solving”… now that is one expression I really won’t be mocking!