It only happens in the summer months I am sure. Does everyone go a bit loopy and clap happy? This week I have read about a square running tack, a mad woman with a chocolate cake on her head and an employee whose claim to fame was to still have all his teeth.
It’s a mad world and we often couldn’t make up stories that are this good.
First up we have the stadium officials in China who authorised a square running track as time was running out before an official visit. Their botched job has resulted in the running track being both ridiculed and useless. A great spend. This is what one official was reported as saying:
“When senior Communist Party leaders recently announced plans for a last-minute visit to the stadium, a quick makeover suddenly became necessary. Painting right angles was faster than painting curves…In order to get it ready for the leaders, we painted it like that…We think it is ugly too, but if the leaders don’t ask us to change it, what are we supposed to do?”
Err? Let me think? Ahh! I know! How about ‘use your brain and take responsibility for creating something that is fit for purpose?’. That should do it. If ever there was a case of Gross Incompetence this is surely it?
Next up we have the nursery worker signed off work with tonsillitis but who instead was strutting her stuff at the Commonwealth games opening ceremony with a Tunnocks Tea Cake on her head.
Unfortunately for her, she clearly forgot that media coverage is an essential part of any opening ceremony and that as a result there was a good chance she was spotted. But with a double blow of misfortune, her situation was then compounded the situation when her friends praised her performance on her Facebook page.
Oh if only I earned a fiver everytime some employee forgot that its not just their friends that get to see their Facebook page. How many times do employees have to be reminded that Facebook scribbles can and do lose people their jobs. Oh well! This employee probably had it coming. Gross Misconduct I reckon.
And finally we turn to the utterly mad. Oh yes, after a bizarre job advert posting for a noise technician last week that suggested the last employee who left them had been buried under the new corporate patio, they have now received a raft of applications from wannabe employees. These included a guy who suggested that one of his strengths was that he still had all of his own teeth. Yuck! What a way to introduce yourself.
Another applicant includes in his covering letter “I also have my Class 2 HGV (licence) so could drive a cement mixer for you to help with the new patio and can be pretty handy using a shovel,”
And yet another, in his desire to demonstrate why he was ready for a career change (the original job ad suggested this could be a good job for someone wanting to change career) said: “I have been in engineering for thirty-plus years and would rather polish turds than spend another day standing here just watching a machine do its thing, hoping it goes wrong so I can turn my brain back on.”
I wonder if he made it onto the interview list?
Anyway, whatever the outcome for him, after one dismissal for Chinese gross incompetence and one for Scottish gross misconduct, at least this time its likely to be a Lancashire ‘you’re hired’! I just love ending on a positive note!
You can read the job ad here (or you can until it get taken down from the Directgov website).
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