Building respect in the workplace: how to avoid becoming an island of strangers

A reminder of why respect matters

In a session about five years ago on respect, I gently encouraged a woman to speak up. I could see she had something to say but lacked the confidence to share. Given space and support, she eventually told her eight colleagues in the room that a customer using the toilet had told her that, as a cleaner doing the lowliest of jobs, she “didn’t even qualify as a woman.”

“So,” she asked, *”how can we now ask me to show respect to others?”

I still remember that moment. The look on her colleagues’ faces. Her own tears. And her quiet dignity. She wasn’t shouting, blaming, or ranting. She simply wanted to question what was being asked of her. That conversation reaffirmed for me that genuine respect matters more than policy statements or protected characteristics alone.

If we have the courage to move beyond compliance checklists and reactionary policies, we can create a workplace culture rooted in respect, a foundation that brings people together, even in all their difference.

When we focus on building and maintaining a respectful workplace, we start to resolve the root causes of conflict, division, and frustration. We also give diverse individuals a better chance of forming strong, purpose-driven teams that thrive in pursuit of a shared goal.

But what does respect mean?

How we define respect has been slowly changing across the decades and different generations undoubtedly have their own take on it. For me, it comes down to this:

• Being seen, valued and treated as a human being
• Having opportunities to build relationships with colleagues
• Feeling accepted by those around us
• Receiving honest communication and fair treatment
• Being recognised and thanked for what we do
• And yes, being paid on time

A respectful environment is one free of endless judgement, blame, gossip, bullying, and childish behaviour. A respectful workplace is where people can do their best work, together.

So, what does a respect-first approach to DEI look like?

Strategy and communication

1. Start with a clear statement from leadership on why respectful culture matters, followed by simple, accessible communications outlining:

• What you want
• Why you want it
• How you expect managers and employees to ‘show up’
• How disrespect might be reported and/or managed
• How the wins will be celebrated

2. Embed responsibility and accountability. You can’t keep telling people to be respectful, you want to employ people who want to and choose to be respectful. This might involve training and support, a culture shift, and prompt management of unacceptable behaviour.

Clarity around standards of behaviour

3. Define what respect looks like in your organisation so everyone knows the expectations and boundaries – this is the detail that builds on the ‘what you want’ in point 1.

This should include commentary on the fact that we live in an imperfect world and are all utterly imperfect ourselves therefore there is no ‘utopia’ when it comes to Respect. Disrespect will inevitably occur, whether deliberate or unintended and we can all be guilty of it at times so no need to pillory people – first step should always be education.

Role models and management

4. Require senior leaders to role model respectful behaviour – this may need some uncomfortable discussions at times but we don’t grow if we are allowed to sit for too long in our comfort zones!

5. Require all managers to look out for and manage disrespect, including an understanding of the bystander effect (resulting in people turning a blind eye). Ideally management will be adult and firm – setting clear boundaries and expectations.

HR and people teams responsibilities and opportunities

6. A clear requirement on HR/People teams to assess, measure and support in order to develop and maintain and respectful culture. This may need to include some specific training on how to show up as an adult during a difficult or sensitive conversation.

7. Identify the approach to take when disrespect seemingly occurs as a result of the low self esteem or confidence of the person who is being disrespectful. Just asking people to be respectful when their brain is in panic or attack mode is not likely to be helpful or result in the required outcome so some additional support may be needed.

I have never seen any research on this but across my years as a trainer, I would estimate that at least 50% of the population has low self esteem and this shows up in many ways including attacking others as a form defence and, on the flip side, not being resilient when we are the ones being disrespected. How might we support our colleagues to develop their self esteem?

Consistency of approach with customers

8. Avoid descending into a parental control approach when indicating to customers what will and will not be accepted to ensure respect – i.e. ask your customers to be accountable too, rather than lurching straight into – if you do xx you will suffer xx consequence.

Culture has to be consistent and joined up and you will never achieve an adult, accountable culture internally if your first response to customers who are disrespectful is to treat them like naughty children – or criminals.

Reward and recognition

9. Regularly talk about your respectful culture. Identify what is working well. Continually support to drive improvements. Recognise and reward those who are great role models – remembering that reward does not have to be monetary – a public thank you means a lot to many people!

How does all this sound? Any of it sound unachievable? If so, think about doing this step by step. None of us can achieve a cultural shift overnight so step by step is a great option. Just even a tiny shift towards a more respectful workplace will be valued. What might be your first step? Let us know in the comment section below. We personally read and respond to every comment.