The 7 Pillars of Workplace Mayhem and Despondency

Welcome to this two minute HR blast. In recent months, we seem to have given you some pretty heavy employment HR Blasts so to lighten the mood here is this weeks blast which we have called the 7 Pillars of Mayhem and Despondency.

Have a bit of fun. Who’s who in your organisation? And more importantly, which of these is you on a bad day?

The Duty Dodgers

They’ve heard of the words responsibility and accountability… but have yet to grasp what that means in relation to them.
Action: Beware those slopey shoulders. Put it in writing. Pin them down. Review weekly and never allow them to play the ‘blame game’.
Stun them with a Quote: “It is not only we do, but also what we do not do for which we are accountable.” John Baptiste Molière

The Meddling Micro Managers

They think that controlling everyone around them is the path to great quality and superior achievement, but have yet to grasp that instead it’s the path to irritation, frustration and a sure-fire way to earn the contempt of others
Action: if you want productive, empowered, happy staff take all line management duties off the micro managers. Let them stew at an isolated corner desk for a while to give them time to contemplate how their micro management impacts the long-term success of the organisation and the ongoing satisfaction of its people
Stun them with a Quote: Micromanagement is like death by a thousand cuts. No human can ever survive it. But hey! Why focus on the big picture when you can take up all your time focussing on the little picture?

The Exploding Egos

They were born with their chest stuck out and a crown on their heads. They think that theirs is the only way of doing things. That no one else is quite as good as them and that failure and disaster will be just around the corner should it ever arise that they leave the organisation.
Action: Lock them in the cellar. Give everyone a few minutes peace or time for a lunch break without indigestion.
Stun them with a Quote: Let go of the need to win, let go of the need to be right, let go of the need to be superior, let go of the need to have more. It’s time for you to deal with what gives you that big ego. It’s time for you to move on.

The Anxiety Ants

They scurry around endlessly worried about anything and everything and if you listened to their mutterings you might even come to believe that the sky is about to fall in.
Action: Anxiety of often caused by fear of the unknown but let the anxiety ants know what impact their worrying has on others. How they make others feel. How it creates stress. But internalising anxiety can cause long-term health problems, so perhaps it’s time to get them proper help before the consequences become too great.
Stun them with a quote: “Anxiety does not empty tomorrow of its sorrows, but only empties today of its strength.” Charles Spurgeon

The Gloopy Glumsters

These are the people who were born to take the sparkle out of every day and every person they meet each day. They may have high productivity with their heads down approach to life, but boy do they depress and frustrate everyone around them.
Action: Put them in the cellar with the egos. Let them fight it out.
Stun them with a Quote: “Did you ever get the feeling that the world is a tuxedo and you’re a pair of brown shoes?” George Gobel

The Frenetic Flitterbugs

They flit around the organisation bringing joy, energy and fun to every corner, but ask them what they’ve actually done in the day and you’ll be lucky if you get a straight answer.
Action: Put it in writing. Manage them closely. Reward and recognise their energy, but focus their minds on their job.
Stun them with a quote: “Who you are tomorrow begins with what you do today.” Tim Fargo

The Virtuous Victims

“Oh, it wasn’t me guv, twas him or her”… always someone else’s fault that something went wrong. Life just dishes out hardship and pain to the victims. Life is done to them, never giving them an opportunity to do anything for themselves.
Action: Pin them down. Sit on them from time to time to make sure they get that they can’t wriggle and squiggle out of things their whole life. At some point, they have to realise they need to be stand up and be counted.
Stun them with a quote: “Why do so many people seem to love righteous indignation? Because if you can prove you’re a victim, all rules are off. You can lash out at people. You don’t have to be accountable for anything.” Brandon Stanton, Humans of New York

Want to add a category of your own? Email us your suggestions!

The information contained within this article is for general guidance only and represents our understanding of employment and associated law and employee relations issues as at the date of publication. Jaluch Limited, or any of its directors or employees, cannot be held responsible for any action or inaction taken in reliance upon the contents. Specific advice should be sought on all individual matters.

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